I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize