So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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