So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
