I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
