Don't you send me to vm
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
