the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
