Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
