He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
