You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
