sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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