She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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