I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
