he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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