Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
