remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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