that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
