I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
