Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
