Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize