Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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