Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
