Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This toilet bowl is my home.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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