I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
