I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
