Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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