You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
