batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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