My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
