You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
