She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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