you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
