I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
