I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize