dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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