last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
