There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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