This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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