my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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