remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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