hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
