so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
