I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
