sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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