Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
