Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
