He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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