Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
