i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
