i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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