All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
