I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
