The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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