My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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