Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize