After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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