My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
