I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
