fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
