is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
