oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
