I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think my moral compass just broke
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