We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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