The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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