then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
