When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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