And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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