I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
