I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize