If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
