at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
