I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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