he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
