Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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